Men, Mates, and Mental Health: A Silent Crisis
Although the rate of mental health disorders is roughly equivalent in men and women, men account for 40% of Medicare-subsidised mental health services in Australia. Even more alarming are the statistics regarding suicide- being the leading cause of death for men under the age of 44 and men representing as much as 75% of suicides in Australia. Why the disparity? There are many potential factors, including gender stereotyping that impacts men’s perceived ability to discuss their concerns with a professional, stigma associated with reaching out for help, or cultural and societal expectations of men. This is precisely what Men's Health Awareness Week is all about; highlighting these problems, encouraging conversations, and working toward breaking down dated stereotypes reinforced by society. By taking this opportunity to raise awareness and promote discussion, you can be a part of creating a happier, more supportive and less judgemental environment for men.
Outdated portrayals of masculinity are all too common in popular culture and the media. As a consequence, men often report fears of being perceived as weak or inadequate, preventing them from sharing their struggles with loved ones or professionals. While the stigma surrounding mental illness affects everyone, men report feeling particularly stigmatised in experiencing mental health concerns.
When men feel unable to solve a problem or communicate to get support about a life issue, they are likely to engage in maladaptive coping strategies. These strategies often mask or distract from the negative feelings arising from the problem. Maladaptive coping may be in the form of avoidance or escape, such as excessive alcohol or substance use, gambling, risk taking behaviours or isolating oneself. Using a maladaptive coping strategy to mask feelings of depression or anxiety can actually compound the original issue, as problem solving becomes more difficult, feelings of shame may arise about their ability to cope, and consequences of that coping strategy may be more aversive than the original problem (health or financial problems for example).
If you’re concerned about a male in your life, be it your husband, brother, son, dad, or mate, it is important to pay attention to warning signs, such as loss of enthusiasm, changes in routine, changes in appetite, increased risk-taking behaviours, tiredness, irritability, and the neglecting of physical health. Withdrawing from friends and social events, working longer hours, consuming alcohol, or doing things that seem out of character may be indicators of a deeper issue. Initiating a conversation about their challenges may be the difference in helping them out of a difficult spiral.
There are steps we can all take to support the mental health of the males in our lives. Here are a few ways that you can approach this conversation:
Even if you don’t have the solution, have the conversation anyway: People can often get caught up in the fact that they may not have a solution to their mate’s problem. Don’t put that expectation on yourself! There is likely no easy fix- thus why the individual is still struggling with it! If you're concerned about someone, simply letting them know you care can make a big difference. By voicing your concerns, you’re already fulfilling part of the process by simply being there for them. This gives them someone to bounce ideas off, or just let off some steam to regulate emotions when needed. You don’t need to fix someone else, just support is enough.
Be open, receptive, and patient: When someone admits to experiencing emotional distress of any kind, listening attentively is the best form of support. Remember, having this conversation can be incredibly difficult for some people, so it’s normal for there to be long pauses or silences in the conversation as the other person tries to wrap their head around how they’re feeling. They likely won’t open up the first time you ask, as they may need to weigh up the costs and benefits of disclosing things that may provoke feelings of shame or weakness. Letting them know on a subsequent occasion you really care about them and are always open for a chat can facilitate further conversation.
Make no assumptions: Ensure that you approach the conversation with a non-judgemental stance, while focusing on seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Accept their emotions and ensure you don’t trivialise them. While it can be worthwhile to make suggestions, remember, what has worked for you may not necessarily work for them, and that seeing a health professional may be the best plan of action.
Share your own experiences: Be curious, but don’t forget to share something of yourself. One of the barriers for men seeking help is the feeling of isolation. It can help to share something of yourself to help someone else open up. Resist telling them you completely understand- as no two situations are the same- however using your experiences to draw from and suggesting you’ve been through something that can help you relate, will strengthen your relationship and ability to communicate openly.
Keep confidences: One of the biggest barriers people have in opening up is the fear that the information will come back to bite them later. Ensure you keep peoples’ struggles’ private. Be someone who is known for maintaining trust. The only circumstance where breaching trust would be appropriate is if you fear they may be in danger. In that case, explain your concerns to them, talk to them about who you might share the information with to keep them safe, and encourage them to share before you need to on their behalf.
Normalising: Some men may feel like their feelings are “not right”, or that they are the only ones who feel the way they do. This may stem back to the male stereotypes reinforced by society. Let them know that their response to stressful situations is completely normal and totally warranted! You can even share a time where you didn’t feel so great to help them realise they’re not alone.
Assist them in seeking professional help: Making an appointment for them on their behalf, taking them to an appointment on the day, and accompanying them during the appointment, if appropriate, are great practical ways that you can offer support.
Have a forum to converse: Having a regular activity with friends that is conducive to conversation can work wonders. You might notice that meeting in larger groups diminishes the likelihood of having a personal conversation, where going for a run or bike ride with someone one on one gives you space to open up. Maintain these arrangements with your friends so they know there will always be a platform to share and support each other.
Use current events or initiatives as an opportunity to start dialogue: Even if there are no warning signs amongst your friends, letting them know ‘It is Men’s Health Awareness Week- so I want you to know I am always available to talk !’ or ‘Did you see that case in the news recently- I would hate to think my friends couldn’t come to me if they were struggling-’ can facilitate conversation.
If you are going through a tough time or experience depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts, talking about how you’re feeling can be hard-but the benefits far outweigh the costs! Your feelings are valid, and you don't have to go through this alone. The first step to tackling distress may be to find people you really connect with. It means finding someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, someone you know will listen to you without judgement. This may be a friend or family member, or may be a mental health professional, or service like Lifeline (Call: 13 11 14). Emotional pain and distress does not indicate a character flaw, but is a universal experience.. Knowing when to seek support is incredibly courageous and something that should be applauded rather than stigmatised.
By Karen Craddock and Sariah Scott
References
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2019). Causes of Death, Australia, 2018. Retrieved from https://www.abs.gov.au/
Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2018). Medicare subsidised mental health-related services 2016-17. Retrieved from https://www.aihw.gov.au/
Beyondblue. (2020). Have the conversation. Retrieved from https://www.beyondblue.org.au/