Understanding Grief: A Human Experience- The Glitter Effect by Kelly Dorman
Grief is a universal experience that touches us all at some point in life. It can arise from various losses, such as the end of a relationship, the passing of a beloved pet, or losing a job. However, grief following the death of a loved one—whether a partner, parent, child, sibling, or grandparent—can be particularly profound. When grief first arrives, it can feel overwhelming, leaving you changed, with your thoughts and behaviours deeply impacted.
The Five Stages of Grief
In the 1960s, Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief model to help individuals recognise and process their emotions following a loss. This framework outlines denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Denial serves as a defence mechanism, shielding us from the full impact of loss by momentarily allowing us to avoid painful reality.
Anger may arise as frustration or resentment, often directed at oneself, others, or even the deceased.
Bargaining involves thoughts of "What if…" or "If only I had…"—an attempt to regain control over an uncontrollable situation.
Depression manifests as deep sadness, loneliness, and despair, reflecting the realisation of the loss.
Acceptance is reached when the individual acknowledges that, while the loss cannot be changed, they have the power to shape their response to it.
While these stages provide a framework, grief is rarely a linear process. Many people find themselves revisiting certain stages at different times or experiencing them in a different order.
A New Perspective on Grief
Dr Mary-Frances O’Connor, an American psychologist, offers a different perspective on grief. Instead of viewing it as a step-by-step process, she distinguishes between grief and grieving.
Grief is the acute, overwhelming feeling that can hit unexpectedly.
Grieving is the long-term adaptation to loss—an evolving process that shapes us over time rather than something that simply fades away.
Modern research suggests that grief does not follow a predictable path. It often resurfaces unexpectedly, triggered by significant dates, familiar places, or even something as simple as hearing a song that reminds you of your loved one. These moments can catch you off guard, making it clear that grief is not something we "move past" but rather something we learn to carry.
How to Navigate Grief
There is no single "right" way to grieve, and setting rigid expectations around the process can be unhelpful. However, there are various approaches that can support individuals in processing their grief and adapting to life after loss.
Evidence-Based Psychological Treatments
Professional psychological support can be invaluable, especially when grief feels overwhelming or prolonged. The following therapies are commonly used by psychologists to help individuals navigate grief:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps individuals process loss by addressing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours. Exposure techniques can assist in confronting the reality of loss, while cognitive restructuring helps reframe negative thoughts. Behavioural activation encourages re-engagement in meaningful activities.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Supports individuals in embracing grief as part of life while realigning with personal values. Mindfulness and defusion techniques help reduce the emotional struggle with grief-related thoughts.
Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT): A structured approach designed specifically for those experiencing prolonged or "complicated" grief, helping them process their emotions and find a way to reengage with life.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): Though often used for trauma, EMDR can be beneficial in processing grief, particularly when the loss was sudden or traumatic.
Narrative Therapy: Encourages individuals to explore and reconstruct their relationship with the deceased through storytelling, letter-writing, or symbolic rituals.
Independent Strategies for Processing Grief
Not everyone seeks professional therapy, and even those who do may benefit from independent strategies to process their grief:
Journaling: Writing about emotions, memories, or even unsent letters to the loved one can help process grief.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices such as deep breathing, guided meditation, or body scans can help individuals sit with their grief without being overwhelmed by it.
Physical Activity: Exercise can support emotional regulation by reducing stress hormones and increasing endorphins. Walking in nature, yoga, or even strength training can provide both a mental and physical outlet.
Engaging in Rituals: Creating personal rituals—such as lighting a candle, visiting a special place, or celebrating anniversaries—can provide comfort and a sense of connection.
Support Groups: Speaking with others who have experienced loss can be incredibly validating. Both in-person and online grief support communities offer a sense of belonging and shared understanding.
Creative Expression: Art, music, poetry, or other forms of creative expression can be powerful tools for processing emotions.
Resources for Those Navigating Grief
For individuals seeking additional guidance, these books, websites, and organisations offer valuable insights and support:
📚 Books:
The Grieving Brain – Dr Mary-Frances O’Connor (on the neuroscience of grief)
On Grief and Grieving – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler (on the five stages of grief)
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief – David Kessler (on meaning-making after loss)
Bearing the Unbearable – Dr Joanne Cacciatore (on deeply felt grief and healing)
It's OK That You're Not OK – Megan Devine (on normalising grief without rushing “recovery”)
🌐 Websites & Organisations:
Grief.com – A comprehensive site with grief resources, articles, and support groups.
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) – Support network for those grieving the loss of a child or sibling.
Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement (grief.org.au) – Professional services and resources tailored to Australian individuals and families.
What’s Your Grief (whatsyourgrief.com) – Offers grief education, creative tools, and a supportive community.
Mindfulness & Grief Institute (mindfulnessandgrief.com) – Resources on using mindfulness and meditation to support the grieving process.
📱 Apps:
GriefWorks – A guided support app developed by therapist Julia Samuel.
Headspace & Calm – Mindfulness apps with guided meditations specific to grief and loss.
Untangle – A grief support app with journaling prompts, community forums, and expert insights.
By combining professional support, personal coping strategies, and community resources, individuals can gradually learn to integrate grief into their lives, allowing them to honour their loss while continuing to move forward.
Grief is Like Glitter
An analogy that may resonate: "Grief is like glitter." When it first arrives, it can be messy and overwhelming. You may try to clean it up, but over time, small traces remain, appearing when you least expect them. Eventually, those tiny remnants can become reminders—not just of loss, but of love, memories, and personal growth.
Perhaps, in the end, time itself plays the most significant role in helping us navigate this deeply human experience.